moving along

golly gee, that last post was awfully negative. let's try and turn that frown upside down. hmm... let see...

The Results of my Exhaustive* Research

The last three weeks driving through Sebastopol has mysteriously lead me into this Google query: "Asshole in a...", filling in the blank with a specific automotive brand (not specific model). The results are more or less unsurprising, though i suspect if you were to substitute, say, Ford with F-150, or Cadillac with Escalade, or Porsche with 911, the returns might be higher. Also "asshole" may be i tad gender specific when it comes to poor drivers, however it fits the bill. And lo, I present to you the non-scientific results:

No results found for "asshole in a Citroen".
No results found for "asshole in a Daewoo".
No results found for "asshole in a Lamborghini".
No results found for "asshole in a Lancia".
No results found for "asshole in a Peugeot".
No results found for "asshole in a Plymouth".
No results found for "asshole in a Renault".
Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "asshole in an Alfa Romeo". (0.42 seconds)
Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "asshole in a Fiat". (0.39 seconds)
Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "asshole in a Lotus". (0.29 seconds)
Results 1 - 1 of about 0 for "asshole in a Mercury". (0.44 seconds)
Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "asshole in a Mitsubishi". (0.30 seconds)
Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "asshole in an Opel". (0.33 seconds)
Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "asshole in a Rolls". (0.35 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "asshole in a Datsun". (0.19 second)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "asshole in a Mazda". (0.36 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "asshole in a Mini Cooper". (0.33 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "asshole in a Saab". (0.40 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "asshole in a Subaru". (0.30 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "asshole in a Volkswagen". (0.33 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "asshole in an Infiniti". (0.47 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "asshole in an Isuzu". (0.38 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "asshole in an Oldsmobile". (0.32 seconds)
Results 1 - 3 of 3 for "asshole in a Nissan". (0.31 seconds)
Results 1 - 4 of 4 for "asshole in a Bentley". (0.34 seconds)
Results 1 - 4 of 4 for "asshole in a Hyundai". (0.41 seconds)
Results 1 - 4 of 4 for "asshole in a Saturn". (0.28 seconds)
Results 1 - 5 of 5 for "asshole in a GMC". (0.44 seconds)
Results 1 - 5 of 5 for "asshole in a Lincoln". (0.39 seconds)
Results 1 - 6 of 6 for "asshole in a Buick". (0.31 seconds)
Results 1 - 6 of 6 for "asshole in a Chrysler". (0.31 seconds)
Results 1 - 6 of 6 for "asshole in a Ferrari". (0.34 seconds)
Results 1 - 6 of 6 for "asshole in a Jaguar". (0.39 seconds)
Results 1 - 7 of 7 for "asshole in a Chevy". (0.39 seconds)
Results 1 - 7 of 7 for "asshole in a Ford". (0.57 seconds)
Results 1 - 7 of 7 for "asshole in a Maserati". (0.40 seconds)
Results 1 - 8 of 8 for "asshole in a Kia". (0.31 seconds)
Results 1 - 8 of 8 for "asshole in a Pontiac". (0.52 seconds)
Results 1 - 8 of 8 for "asshole in a Volvo". (0.37 seconds)
Results 1 - 9 of 9 for "asshole in a Toyota". (0.43 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "asshole in a Land Rover". (0.30 seconds) + Results 1 - 8 of 8 for "asshole in a Range Rover". (0.27 seconds) = 10
Results 1 - 10 of about 53 for "asshole in an Acura". (0.53 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 92 for "asshole in an Audi". (0.29 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 102 for "asshole in a Cadillac". (0.30 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 133 for "asshole in a Honda". (0.41 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 157 for "asshole in a Dodge". (0.34 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 180 for "asshole in a Mercedes". (0.24 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 263 for "asshole in a Porsche". (0.34 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 348 for "asshole in a Lexus". (0.31 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 434 for "asshole in a Jeep". (0.21 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 605 for "asshole in a Hummer". (0.36 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 909 for "asshole in a BMW". (0.37 seconds)

And in case you are wondering, I drive a 1998 Toyota RAV4.

* exhaustive meaning not enough coffee has been consumed this morning.

Who Needs to Hang Around?

A Period Piece in One Act
(with formatting apologies in advance)


INT. ANYBURB KITCHEN - DAY

JENNY sits behind a small island counter, rolling dice and writing things down, glancing at the printed gaming screen in front of her. JIMMY sits to her left, a few sheets of paper lay in front of him. He looks incredulously at his sister JENNY. DOUG stands to JENNY's right, and doodles on a piece of paper. "Exit... Stage Left" by Rush can be heard in the background.

JIMMY
(appalled)

Jeez sis, I can't believe you're still letting Kyle be in our adventuring party! Just cuz you wanna date him doesn't mean you have to ruin our fun.

JENNY

Jimmy! I do not want to date him! Now that football season is over he doesn't have anything better to do. Plus it helps him with the math I'm tutoring him for.

JIMMY

P'ya right. Why would any guy wanna date you anyway?

DOUG

Dude, your sister is hot!

JENNY/JIMMY
(in unison)

Doug!

JIMMY

That last guy you tutored and stuck in our game only ever stared at your boobs.

JENNY

And that is why Bobby was defenseless when the unicorn gored him to death.

DOUG

That was awesome. Anyway Jimmy, we are a little unbalanced... a halfling illusionist and an elf monk? We totally need a human meatshield.

JENNY

Kyle is not a meatshield, he is a strong and valiant Paladin in the service of Pelor.

JIMMY

Whatever! He totally made me botch my spell last week! We could have escaped!

JENNY

He did not botch your spell... you rolled crappy.

JIMMY

He was blocking my line of sight! My Stinking Cloud would have totally worked!

DOUG

That reminds me, I brought extra Slim Jim's if any one wants some. Oh and your mom said that since Kyle is here, she's making her special nachos.

JIMMY

Her nachos are not special, and why would she care if Kyle was here?

DOUG

Dude, your mom is hot!

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

KYLE non-chalantly leans up against a wall outside the kitchen, with a gaming manual in his hand.

KYLE

That's right Mrs. Jorgensen, I do run a 4.4 40.
And I can bench press 255.

o hai

you may remember me from such careers as Apprentice Finish Carpenter and South Route Artisan Bread Deliverer/Client Relations Rep and Home Decor Shop Assistant and UPS Package Sorter and E-Commerce Customer Service Manager and Film/Video Editor and Artist's Assistant and of course who could forget Gallery Lackey. and now I arrive at yet another crossroads: Freelance Art/Design Something-or-Other or um, Pavement Quality Engineering Technician?

could this be then end?!

well for the year at least.

so we are making a super awesome cubano sandwich for our last dnd episode of the year. awesome how? like try adding bacon awesome. pork loin + ham + bacon = trifecta! no doubt that will help me with some infernally awesome rolling for Exaybachay. it's possible we might try remote gaming next sunday depending on availability, fatigue level, etc.

um, what else. have to work on getting heidi's etsy shop back up and running. hairpins and gnomes and such.

oh and so as not to give you the impression that as a 13 year old i only had awesome taste in music, i was also really into this song (and video):



and it was this version, not the fancy 'cool' video they did after they got famous. not that i care or anything. :)

proceeding as if there were no lapse

hey look! i'm ticking off the first item on my punchlist for the day: 'blog'. that was easy.

what is next? 'flickr'. ok... not as easy as one would think. that means editing and uploading two months of images. but then again not that difficult. it just takes a little time and a little effort.

then we have 'etsy'. that entails documenting some of the recent critters by the missus, getting them up on her etsy store. also not that difficult, just time and energy.

this is followed by 'cards'. this one is entirely dependent on the fickle printer. what could this possible entail, you ask? hah! printing power cards for heidi's lvl 7 wizard Lumiere. or wait... are we lvl 8. i can't remember.

and finally, we have 'dickerdoodles'. fortunately heidi is taking care of the baking aspect of this, and then it's up to me to photograph them and submit them for the contest. bwah hahaaaah! we shall be victorious i tell you!

and now i shall leave you kind readers with a couple of choice videos. this first one is a song that always makes me happy to hear it:



and finally, an addendum to my 'early crush' blog entry... ladies and gentlemen, i give you Canada's finest:

oh right

i have a blog. i keep forgetting