Who Needs to Hang Around?

A Period Piece in One Act
(with formatting apologies in advance)


INT. ANYBURB KITCHEN - DAY

JENNY sits behind a small island counter, rolling dice and writing things down, glancing at the printed gaming screen in front of her. JIMMY sits to her left, a few sheets of paper lay in front of him. He looks incredulously at his sister JENNY. DOUG stands to JENNY's right, and doodles on a piece of paper. "Exit... Stage Left" by Rush can be heard in the background.

JIMMY
(appalled)

Jeez sis, I can't believe you're still letting Kyle be in our adventuring party! Just cuz you wanna date him doesn't mean you have to ruin our fun.

JENNY

Jimmy! I do not want to date him! Now that football season is over he doesn't have anything better to do. Plus it helps him with the math I'm tutoring him for.

JIMMY

P'ya right. Why would any guy wanna date you anyway?

DOUG

Dude, your sister is hot!

JENNY/JIMMY
(in unison)

Doug!

JIMMY

That last guy you tutored and stuck in our game only ever stared at your boobs.

JENNY

And that is why Bobby was defenseless when the unicorn gored him to death.

DOUG

That was awesome. Anyway Jimmy, we are a little unbalanced... a halfling illusionist and an elf monk? We totally need a human meatshield.

JENNY

Kyle is not a meatshield, he is a strong and valiant Paladin in the service of Pelor.

JIMMY

Whatever! He totally made me botch my spell last week! We could have escaped!

JENNY

He did not botch your spell... you rolled crappy.

JIMMY

He was blocking my line of sight! My Stinking Cloud would have totally worked!

DOUG

That reminds me, I brought extra Slim Jim's if any one wants some. Oh and your mom said that since Kyle is here, she's making her special nachos.

JIMMY

Her nachos are not special, and why would she care if Kyle was here?

DOUG

Dude, your mom is hot!

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

KYLE non-chalantly leans up against a wall outside the kitchen, with a gaming manual in his hand.

KYLE

That's right Mrs. Jorgensen, I do run a 4.4 40.
And I can bench press 255.